Welp… we bought a bacon toaster.

Do you remember this thing? Back in January the internet went crazy for Nostalgia Electrics’ Bacon Express, a six-slice countertop bacon cooker with a cool retro aesthetic. Foodbeast told us it would make cooking breakfast A LOT easier (their caps, not ours), Gizmodo said it would make every meal so much better (every meal?), and Huff Po said the appliance is just what we need right now (it goes “water, shelter, bacon,” right?).

Needless to say, the Bacon Express sold out immediately. In fact it took all this time—about three months—for our order to finally come in. We cooked with it, and… it definitely isn’t “just what we need right now.” What we need is a copy of the Amazon return policy.

What it’s like to cook with a bacon toaster

Operating the Bacon Express is cumbersome from moment one. To access the cooking compartment you need to pull on two handles simultaneously and splay open the entire chassis like a book. It’s annoying, because once one side releases, you’ve just lost all of your leverage on the other. But annoying turns to dangerous once the appliance is preheated, or worse: once it’s filled with scalding-hot bacon. You’ll need to use the heat-safe handles, one on each door, or risk a burn.

Inside the cooking chamber is a vertical heating element, surrounded on all sides by a non-stick, removable cooking plate. You drape your bacon over this plate like you’d dry a towel over a handrail, then let it cook.

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SOURCE: Reviewed.com – Christopher Snow